Over the years Mistress Kim has methodically and ruthlessly turned me from a seemingly normal, sexually curious young man into what can only be described as a pathetic, little bitch boy loser. It’s been a transformation thats effected so many parts of my life and it’s hard to think about it all at once, but let me try.

My obsession with Mistress Kim first started innocently. Years ago, I stumbled upon her Niteflirt page and was transfixed by her introductory message as well as the photo sets she had. I started to enter a trance like state and touched myself for hours and hours, fantasizing about her while reading the feedback of those brave enough to contact her. I was scared because I could feel the pull she had over me, but I knew I had to submit myself to her. It felt natural.

So finally, after a few weeks, I worked up the courage to call her. Quickly she took control of the conversation and my mind, training me with tasks, commands, instructions, and tribute after tribute. Every time I’d hesitate or fail to complete a task, I was punished: financially, physically, and mentally. Every time I’d complete a task, I was rewarded, both with her praise and with her beauty. It became an obsession to please her, submitting to her fully in ways I never thought possible. I recited mantras that reinforced More Her, Less Me. I yearned for her approval constantly. She was teaching me to explore myself sexually and appreciate her beauty, while also teaching me that her needs came first, and that her happiness was my happiness.

So the occasional calls turned into daily messages. The daily messages into strict sessions. I was checking in with her nearly every day, learning from her wisdom and submitting to her beauty. Other women became unimportant to me and my only goal was pleasing Mistress Kim. I went from a man curious about femdom to a deeply and irrevocably addicted beta bitch.

But i got scared. It had been only a few months and Mistress Kim had become a sort of godlike figure in my life. With my money dwindling I got scared and ran away. But instead of her chasing after me like some desperate cam girl, she told me flatly that I would be punished when I came crawling back. And I did come back.

After a few weeks of mental hell, I returned, broken and weaker than before. Even though I was more vulnerable than I’d ever been, she merely laughed and broke me further, humiliating me and financially destroying me until I had learned my lesson. Soon I was back under her guidance, learning from her and submitting to her. It was heaven, I began to fall in love with her deeply.

But like clockwork my inconsistency shown through and after a particularly humiliating session I swore I would never return. This was just a person, like any other, she didn’t control my life, I was in control. At least that’s what I told myself again and again, for a few months, until slowly my true nature couldn’t be contained any longer. I began to check her profile again. The comments from other subs on her page made me ache to feel her ownership again. It also helped remind me that I wasn’t special, I was merely another slave within her stable. She opened a clip store and the clip previews and her meteoric rise up the ranks of various femdom groups made me weaker and weaker. I knew Mistress Kim was a special, beautiful, intelligent, dominant person that was rare and that I was ugly, a loser, and just like everyone else. It was only natural that I should want to sacrifice everything for her.

So now I am back again, weaker than ever. She has taken nearly everything I have and I feel safer and closer to her than ever before. My orgasms are completely dependent on her, and she makes me beg like a little bitch just to touch myself. I can’t even get erections without her, vanilla sex is pointless to me, all that matters is submitting to Mistress Kim and giving up, giving in, and giving over. And I honestly believe that’s the way it should be.

People talk about femdom like it’s a vice and an addiction, but I honestly believe this is a normal and natural activity. I was not meant to think for myself or lead. I was meant to work for a higher purpose, an embodiment of beauty and power and intelligence that is Mistress Kim. This is my true purpose in life, regardless of what society says to the contrary, and now I work toward improving her trust in me and proving to her that I’m worth the time to train and mold into her property.

While my ride was a bumpy one toward true submission to her, allow me to take this opportunity to tell other potential slaves that it doesn’t have to be. Mistress Kim appreciates honesty and true servitude, and if you are willing to give those to her and learn from her, the punishments will be less and the rewards more. It’s honestly the best decision of my life, accepting that I’m a submissive beta, and that my only real happiness comes from submission to Mistress and her happiness. If you feel similarly, I implore you that you must also being to process of giving yourself over to Mistress Kim.

And for me? Well, my non stop inconsistency and inability to fully commit for long enough periods of time has probably irreversibly damaged Mistress Kim’s trust in me. To weep is to make less the depth of grief. I have likely run away too many times and failed to accept her instructions too often for her to ever fully trust me. She is smart and experienced, she knows that I am relatively worthless to her. I don’t have the money, the looks, or the commitment to BE of value to her. But despite the fact that I have most likely ruined my only chance at ever truly pleasing her, I must continue to work and try to re-establish at least some level of trust she has in me. I must give in to her, over and over and over again, until I am nothing but a vehicle for her prosperity. I must humiliate myself for her further, if it pleases her. I must try to not only learn from her teachings and mantras, but genuinely change who I am to fit into being the submissive property that she wants in her life.

Because ultimately this isn’t about me, it’s about Mistress Kim. What can I do to make Mistress Kim happy? What can I do to make Mistress Kim’s life better? I am still learning and finding out what it takes, but I know deep down that I will spend the rest of my life trying to please her. And it will be a life well spent. I love you Mistress Kim.