“As an online dominatrix, I am able to reach through my screen and touch the lives of so many people around the world,” she told AVN. “I’ve done so for a long time, and what my clients have come to expect from me are deep understanding of unusual and erotic fetishes and real interest in them as people.”
Role-playing games form a significant element of her relationship with her online clients, “as well as therapist-style sessions in which I manipulate men into doing some awful, dirty things. I wear beautiful business suits and do lots of CEI and chastity games,” she said. “They are just so much fun.”
Lawrence Avery for AVN Media Group
This article has been the best written and comprehensive thus far encapsulating the kind of work that I do, and the courses I’mteaching, and why they matter. After having had some experience with mainstream & adult media, I sometimes forget the things I’ve said. Sometimes those things are poignant and well stated. Sometimes, I am horribly misquoted, and I sound like an idiot.
I’m just relieved and thankful that the AVN article is such a good one. Also, being featured next to Cardi B on the same website might seem silly to point out. But… AVN is the biggest adult site in the world and I think it’s pretty cool.
And even now, as most of other industries are struggling because of Covid-19, Mz. Kim said her online business is booming. “Many of my clients are home and need guidance, understanding and a reassuring, strong voice,” she wrote in an email, adding that “another reason for business being up may be that the subset of men who are now forced to stay home simply have more opportunities to play.”
Back in January, right before AVN, a reporter from the New York Times reached out to ask about the online sex work economy. She had heard that I was teaching classes in Portland, Las Vegas and New Orleans. Back then, the classes were called Monetizing Your Appeal. She even flew out from New York to attend my workshop.
Fast forward to COVID and teaching several online classes later, with so much of the nation being in turmoil, the article finally comes out. I’m really proud of being a part of this story, and how much of what’s in the story is information that I tried to convey about this fascinating industry.
I wish that there had been more focus on how much work it takes to run a successful business in sex work. And more about the fascinating ins and outs of work that deals with sexuality, power, and money. Maybe that will become part 2 of this story regarding a vast online economy that many don’t understand or see.
Investing For Sex Workers Class 1 – Investing Fundamentals I’m bringing in a licensed CPA to speak! Register now for this event before it’s sold out, scheduled to go live on September 30 @ 6 PM EDT / 3 PM PST. If you can’t make the class, your ticket link gets you access to the recording!
This is a series of 3 courses designed to fundamentally shift your way of looking at money, learn how to build your wealth and invest as a SW.
You can’t invest if you don’t have money. You can’t have money unless you have an understanding of your personal finances. You can’t invest or retire unless you build this foundational understanding of personal finance and savings & retirement strategies.
Perhaps talking about specifics of personal finance and tax-advantaged vehicles isn’t sexy. You know what is sexy? Being rich. Building wealth. Saving money is sexy! Accumulating money to be able to invest in your future is sexy!
In this fundamentals class, we will discuss the pitfalls SWs find in investing.
1) Thorough introduction covering some foundation skills 2) The #1 most effective strategy in saving 3) Fundamentals in retirement tools & vehicles
All of my classes and resources can be found here.
Learn more about how and why this exclusive Asian Dominatrix is able to charge high prices
I get this question once in a while. “Why are your videos (sessions, calls, etc) so expensive?” Response: Solve your problems by becoming rich, instead of complaining to someone who can command these prices.
Look, I never balk at small purchases or small tributes. I respect those who work within their budgets and send what they can. In fact, the harder you work, the more devoted you are, the more likely I am to accept you. It doesn’t take being rich to gain favor with me. However, I do not feel the need to ensure that everything I make or offer is affordable for everyone. As an exclusive Asian Dominatrix who has run an extremely successful business for over 10 years, I know what price models work for me.
Certain kinds of content are meant to be geared towards a bigger audience. Other kinds of content like this are meant to be exclusive. Couture, if you will. This means that they are tailored to people who want those specific things and are willing to pay for them. Sometimes it’s shocking and very hard for people to understand why or how I can charge these prices. As this guy said, “O.k. Mz. Kim so you have a lot of people buying your videos at $999 for a little 15-20 minute video.” My answer: Indeed. I have subs who pay $20 to chat with me. I have subs who pay thousands to speak to me, to see me on cam, to serve me.
And they are willing to pay. Thousands per video sometimes. Thousands per session sometimes. It’s ok if you aren’t that person. It’s ok if you don’t believe that those people exist. They have more money than you and that’s not your problem. But if you want to play with the big girls, then you have to act like a big boy and make more money.
And, if you make it your problem by complaining, then you look like a whiner and no one will want to play with you.
I like saying what I’ll do, and doing as I say. April and May have turned out to be my months of providing education and raising money for BDSM spaces. I started off writing this Best Practices Guide for Sext Panther because I was doing really well on it. Then 2 pages turned into 10. And now, it’s a real resource.
Tomorrow, I’ll be teaching my 5th online workshop – “Niteflirt Advanced – Make Money Online Through SW” – and more are in the works. All of my classes are now on my resource page, and I’m pretty happy with the way they’ve turned out.
Over here in the classy hoes line, hot hoe teaches other hot hoes on how to best hoe.
I hadn’t expected to give away over $2100 this month, but I did it. And it felt good. This started with trying to find a way to help struggling BDSM spaces. Sister businesses that hosted in-person providers, community BDSM events, and community classes like mine have closed down. Like so many venues, they are struggling to pay their rent.
When I wrote this guide, it was a way to put some best practices together for a platform that I was doing well on. I had hit #1 on the site a few times and thought it might be useful to others. I published “The Sextpanther Best Practices” document and then as word began to spread, I decided to donate the proceeds to SubRosa a BDSM education space in Oregon.
Then, because there seemed to be a real need for women wanting to enter the online SW industry, I put together a class called “So You Want To Make Money Online Through SW”. With a rent bill of almost $4k a month, and no way to throw events or open its doors, I knew Nightshade Sanctuary, a community space in San Francisco would have a hard time, too. So I decided to put all proceeds towards this class.
It turns out that there are quite a few people who listened. Other Sex Workers & subs, donated, too. And over two thousand dollars later, it’s been a great “Hoe For Hoes” month!
It is quiet. The streets are quiet. The park. The neighborhood in which I live lined with lovely homes. Even my favourite grocery store, which on any given day, is filled with a sort of bustle and buzz that makes me happy. The Corona Virus, AKA COVID19, and subsequent stay at home orders have been the reason for the worldwide shutdown. The economy is stumbling downhill and the US is just holding its uncomfortable breath hoping, waiting.
The shutdown has affected every person with a workplace to go to. And the new normal of face masks, bandannas, avoided eye contact, lack of the usual social gatherings have changed us forever.
There is a sector of the economy, though, that isn’t very much effected. The online sex work economy is the one in which I am involved. It is vast, it is varied, and it has been stable for me for the last 15 years. Stable might not be the right word. My income has increased every year since I began my work online. I am fortunate, during these strange times, my business is booming.
My daily routing of work has changed little. I am an online dominatrix and fetish content producer. I have worked from home, been my own boss, run my own business, paid my taxes, and produced my own fetish content for so long, this shelter-in-place routine has me busier than ever because of reasons one wouldn’t suspect. But nearby, sister businesses that hosted in-person providers, community BDSM events, and community classes like mine have closed down. Like so many venues, they are struggling to pay their rent.
Talking to some of my colleagues, I realized the kind of struggles that they are going through. Travel plans, including tours, have been canceled. They cannot see clients, they cannot rent out their space for workshops. And some of them have come to me asking for help.
When I was teaching workshops in person, the questions were always similar to the ones I receive now. Do you really make all of your money online? How do you manage so many platforms and so many profiles? How do you keep contact with your clients? Now, the questions have intensified because their own situations have intensified. Those who have worked online before are trying to manage, albeit under duress, because all of a sudden, online work is the only work they have.
What quarantines and lockdowns have shown us is that varied sources of income is necessary. By “us”, I mean sex workers. This umbrella term is truly vast. I am an online sex worker with a legal registered business. Many are in-person sex workers, or a mixture of the two.
I had this demand for teaching women how to work online when I started teaching workshops in person. When I saw 2 of my favourite BDSM spaces struggling, I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. So, I decided to do two things and hopefully hit both with a single stone. I decided to make these months in quarantine a time of education and support.
One of those ways is through the writing and online publication of a best practices guide for a particular platform called Sext Panther. It monetizes texting and online content like photos, videos and phone calls. I had reached #1 on the site several times, and started writing down what was working for me. 1 page turned into 10, and then I decided to self publish.
Another way to give support was to teach classes. My new class will be a webinar, so I’m making my experience work for me. An online class to teach about how to work online. There are so many skills involved in this work. Content production, marketing, the art of conversation, modeling, acting, human psychology, sexuality. The list goes on. But we all have to start somewhere, and as the old adage goes, I wish that someone had shown me all of this information when I started.
2020 Adult Video News Awards – Arrivals LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – JANUARY 25: Mz. Kim attends the 2020 Adult Video News Awards at The Joint inside the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino on January 25, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Gabe Ginsberg/Getty Images)
Oh AVN. Thank you for having me walk the gauntlet, also known as the red carpet. It’s a fascinating event. The red carpet, in this case, was very very long. And intimidating.
The line began outside. And outside was where the inevitable Jesus protestors used a bull-horn to try to save us. Our line went right out to the street and right in front of them. I felt tense, but at least there were police officers standing nearby. There was a barricade but I had no idea why AVN organizers put the path out to the sidewalk, right in front of these protestors. To add to the chaos, there was a protestor to the protestors! He made his own sign. It said, “Pray The Straight Away! Thanos Is Lord.”
Last year, there were protestors at the major intersection in front of the Hardrock entrance. They had bullhorns, and no fence. We walked by them and stood next to them waiting for the light to change. Two of them shouted at us, and got really close. There was a feeling of violence, of real hatred towards us. This was the kind of moment that made me afraid that I might get shot. Just for being me. Even now, I feel angry and sad. I have a right to exist, just like them. I have right to make a life the way that I see fit.
Back to the experience on AVN red carpet… this carpet was long. It stretched from one end of the hotel to the other. There were crowds on both sides of the ropes. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of women and men, all with phones and cameras, taking photographs and looking at us. Some just curious, some avid fans waiting for their one and only. And I, having been nominated in a very niche category, Favourite Domme, was just there somewhat as cattle, somewhat as entertainment. To shed some light into my part in the event, I was 1 of 50 nominated in this category. Almost takes the fun out of being nominated at all. Almost.
I had come to Las Vegas to teach my workshop, sit on an AVN panel about independent content production, and to make content. And of course, to walk the red carpet. It turns out, I was in line right next to Stormy Daniels.
I would never have recognized her because of her goth get-up that night. I saw some exquisite women, and loved being seen by them as well. The sheer chaos of it all, the walking, the many beautiful women, some breathtakingly so, and the crowd… this was the experience I had signed up for, and I got it in spades.
There was a separate media room, of which I was not privileged enough to go in. This was where the winners and presenters would do interviews and additional photographs. As I was placed in front of the long line of photographers and cameras, they move you through to the tune of a bell. An actual bell that someone rings so that people know when to move on to the next group of photographers.
It’s easy to feel small and insignificant in a place like this. The fanfare, the inner circles. AVN is porn-centric, and yet all sorts of sex workers come to party, to work and socialize. I have to remind myself that my life and value does not hinge on my fame, or lack there of. Although, for a porn network to even have a category called “Favorite Domme” shows that there is recognition from this industry that we do make impressions and waves.
Was the effort worth all the trouble? Yes. And, as always with things like this, dressing up was the best part. I got to stretch my style muscles and put together an ensemble that I really loved.
I am an actively working Asian Online Dominatrix. So, I don’t just teach it, I live it, I work it. This story begins at DomCon. Yes, there is a convention for everything. I saw that most of the women who attended were in-person dommes. And when they found out about my work and my specializations, they were surprised to find out that I could make a very good living doing only online domination and online content production. They had lots of questions and preconceived notions about what it takes to do this work.
“I really like the in-person connection, I just don’t think you can have that in online domination.” “What kind of services do people pay for?” “How do you dominate anyone without being in front of them?” “How do people find you? How do you find clients?”
I realized that many professional dominatrices were intimidated and perhaps embarrassed that they did not know how to work online. I also realized that people from all sorts of backgrounds wanted to learn how to do the work that I do.
I also realized how invested I am in helping others through these classes because this work has given me so much. The life that I am able to live is made possible by this work. The life I left, in which I was terribly abused, was made possible by this work. The woman I am, the confidence that I hold, the relationships I have developed with other bad-ass sex workers… all of this is made possible by this work. So, teaching how to do this work finally made sense. It was time to pay it forward.
Here lie the true reasons behind sharing all of this knowledge and information… not just in being bossy to other people. Putting the intelligent work into my business has given me a sense of self, growth, autonomy, creativity, confidence and success. I thought, how great would it be if others could find the same freedoms, creativity and money & fun?
What makes my online business successful? It’s a mixture of making brutally honest self-evaluations; prioritizing content strategies; gathering tools, assessing costs, honing skills. Last but not least, really loving the work that I do, the freedom it provides, the autonomy and creativity I have in my own life. I am my own boss. And the boss of many.
From start to finish, the workshop is about 3.5 hours of a beginner’s class followed by an advanced class. I teach the basics of sex work, the start-up costs & necessities, self-evaluation, online content, strategies and marketing and what actions to take. Then, I tailor the advanced class to the participants after getting a feel for the levels at which they are already working.
Figuring out how to get all of this in a presentation that isn’t a complete snoozefest was a challenge. I didn’t want to just stand there and lecture. Fortunately, I am able to pepper in lots of stories and real-life anecdotes that seem to get everyone engaged and laughing.
One of my students & friend, Stella Sol, wrote this, “I really enjoyed your class in SF & have been busy ever since b/c I’ve been taking your advice. I am already seeing a dramatic increase in my traffic, income & understand of online marketing.”
Another wrote this. “When teaching, Mz. Kim brings an incredible level of presence, professionalism, and information to her classes. Along with being organized, she has a diverse knowledge base that is eternally fascinating to learn from. As a teacher, Mz. Kim does an excellent job of tying in personal anecdotes and humor that enrich your learning experience. As a coach, Mz. Kim is thoughtful and inventive, and you can feel that she truly wants to help you achieve your goals. I am grateful for the wisdom Mz. Kim has shared with me.”
These reviews bring such an immense feeling of satisfaction.
There was something that stood out of the workshops I have taught. Community. Sex work can be isolating. That’s part of the draw, actually. So, that’s the double-edged sword. We can work alone, and be left alone. But then, we are alone.
The sense of community and meeting others in this industry has been an essential part of my own growth and I think a welcomed relief to many of my students. No person is an island. There are things that others can teach us so that we do not have to re-invent the wheel. By providing these workshops, I have given an opportunity for people to get together and meet others. They come to learn the contents of my class, but they leave with a larger sense of community.
Another of the limitations of this work is stigma. It can weigh down on us in ways we don’t realize. From not being able to use easy payment processors to not being able to post ads on Facebook; from having photographs and content constantly taken down on Instagram or Tumblr to having negative reactions from significant others and their family members, stigma in this line of work is real. Talking to others dealing with the same issues, and sharing solutions… this is something valuable that a real-time class can provide.
I wish that I had this kind of class when I was starting out in online sex work. And sometimes, it’s been hard to show SWs that this class can be useful to them. This kind of education isn’t as glamorous as a hard-skills class. A choking class like one I took recently from Domina Snow, a personal friend and colleague, would be considered a hard-skills class. I haven’t used this choking skillset nearly as much as the “Deep Work” segment of my own class. As Snow said, “We always teach the most important things that our younger selves needed to know, but it never seems to be received with the same value.”
Still, I hope that more people and SWs will let me teach them. Once they step into my workshop, they will see just how valuable this information is. How important it is to meet others in the same community. And I hope that I will get to hear how this work has changed their lives as they have changed mine.