New Year Gratitude For Pervs
We have crossed the threshold into a new year. Can you feel that? Shimmering through your screen is my gratitude for the tributes sent, clips purchased... If you've interacted with me and played with me in sessions and heard me guide them with my voice or on cam... lucky you. On harder days, I forget that so many of my fans and subs are sincerely genuine and lovely. But today, I haven't forgotten this and, as we turn the corner to longer days, I extend to you my gratitude and wish you a happy New Year.
My goal this year is to give and receive the kind of quality of connection that we all want. I want everything in my life to be of QUALITY. My friends, my groceries, my outfits, the people I choose to meet, the services I choose to provide, the videos I choose to make, the fantasies I make into reality. All top notch, all of the time. I think it’s important to set high standards for yourself + the life you want. Only the best. I think you can see it in my work and the content you've purchased. I want the same for you.
Your first assignment, should you choose to accept it, is this: think hard, feel hard, give hard (don't just jerk hard).
Think hard about what really turns you on, focus on your top 3 fetishes, and if you'd like to tell me, I'm usually available on LF (followmzkim.com).
Feel hard: I want you to schedule in 3 hours of volunteer work in this year. 3 hrs spread out through a full year is not difficult. Don't watch another show, have another coffee. See how you take to it. 3 hours, just try it. I promise you'll get something out of it that you didn't expect.
Give hard. Give a gift to someone who isn't expecting it (in my case, I often ask for gifts, but I love it when I'm surprised). The thing is, this act of generosity does a lot of things. It makes me smile and leaves a warm feeling in relation to you specifically. Secondly, it starts conversation and intimacy. Connection... Remember
Let's dive deeper into your kinks, fetishes and desires. Investing in the woman who gives you joy is investing in yourself. I'm not exactly a kink dispenser, but I do appreciate many different tastes and really like is when you understand yourself or at the very least you like to explore your perverted desires and let me poke around those crevices and corners of your horny little brain.
One last random thought... my favourite part of the New Year tradition is the day after the partying/bundling up in bed when we can all get on with our lives. I'll be honest, I think resolutions are dumb. They're just goals. And if you aren't good at making goals and sticking with them, then why torture yourself with resolutions? Also, I've given you a few bites to chew on above with your tasks.
Anyway, with that nugget of advice, and tasks, happy New Year. Now let's get on to my next favourite subject - my legs. My wish list, AKA things to adorn my legs and body, should you like to make me smile and gift me the things I really want.
With Love & Gratitude,
Mz. Kim
Asian Dominatrix Femdom Findom Nylon Connoisseur
Your Vote Means Something!
If you've taken classes from me, or even if you haven't, perhaps you get the feeling that I advocate for sex workers by doing the hard work and taking action. This action comes from wanting to educate and make working as a SW easier. This action comes from donating money to sex worker-focused spaces; donating my online classes to those in need; giving my time online and in person in the form of education and problem-solving conversations; writing articles and posts about the struggles, stigma and triumphs of being a SW.
So, how pleased was I to be recognized by YNOT awards as a nominee for Sex Worker Advocate! I'm proud of the work I've put into advocacy.
I would so appreciate it if you voted for me. Your vote means something! It means that you think my work matters. It means that you think SWs are human beings, who do real work; that we care about others; that SW education and advocacy are necessary. I teach and give my time and advocate for sex workers because I believe in this work. It has given me the freedom and expression and independence in ways that very few jobs can.
Sign up at this link and vote every day to help me win! (You have to sign up before voting)
ynotid.com
awards.ynotcam.com/vote
Featured Next To...
Not gonna lie, I love being featured next to Cardi B and weird sex toys on @AVN Check out the feature article here.
“As an online dominatrix, I am able to reach through my screen and touch the lives of so many people around the world,” she told AVN. “I've done so for a long time, and what my clients have come to expect from me are deep understanding of unusual and erotic fetishes and real interest in them as people.”
Role-playing games form a significant element of her relationship with her online clients, “as well as therapist-style sessions in which I manipulate men into doing some awful, dirty things. I wear beautiful business suits and do lots of CEI and chastity games,” she said. “They are just so much fun.”
Lawrence Avery for AVN Media Group
This article has been the best written and comprehensive thus far encapsulating the kind of work that I do, and the courses I'm teaching, and why they matter. After having had some experience with mainstream & adult media, I sometimes forget the things I've said. Sometimes those things are poignant and well stated. Sometimes, I am horribly misquoted, and I sound like an idiot.
I'm just relieved and thankful that the AVN article is such a good one. Also, being featured next to Cardi B on the same website might seem silly to point out. But... AVN is the biggest adult site in the world and I think it's pretty cool.
Hoe For Hoes
Over here in the classy hoes line, hot hoe teaches other hot hoes on how to best hoe.
I hadn't expected to give away over $2100 this month, but I did it. And it felt good. This started with trying to find a way to help struggling BDSM spaces. Sister businesses that hosted in-person providers, community BDSM events, and community classes like mine have closed down. Like so many venues, they are struggling to pay their rent.
When I wrote this guide, it was a way to put some best practices together for a platform that I was doing well on. I had hit #1 on the site a few times and thought it might be useful to others. I published “The Sextpanther Best Practices” document and then as word began to spread, I decided to donate the proceeds to SubRosa a BDSM education space in Oregon.
Then, because there seemed to be a real need for women wanting to enter the online SW industry, I put together a class called “So You Want To Make Money Online Through SW”. With a rent bill of almost $4k a month, and no way to throw events or open its doors, I knew Nightshade Sanctuary, a community space in San Francisco would have a hard time, too. So I decided to put all proceeds towards this class.
It turns out that there are quite a few people who listened. Other Sex Workers & subs, donated, too. And over two thousand dollars later, it's been a great "Hoe For Hoes" month!
Corona, The Online Sex Work Economy And Giving Back
It is quiet. The streets are quiet. The park. The neighborhood in which I live lined with lovely homes. Even my favourite grocery store, which on any given day, is filled with a sort of bustle and buzz that makes me happy. The Corona Virus, AKA COVID19, and subsequent stay at home orders have been the reason for the worldwide shutdown. The economy is stumbling downhill and the US is just holding its uncomfortable breath hoping, waiting.
The shutdown has affected every person with a workplace to go to. And the new normal of face masks, bandannas, avoided eye contact, lack of the usual social gatherings have changed us forever.
There is a sector of the economy, though, that isn't very much effected. The online sex work economy is the one in which I am involved. It is vast, it is varied, and it has been stable for me for the last 15 years. Stable might not be the right word. My income has increased every year since I began my work online. I am fortunate, during these strange times, my business is booming.
My daily routing of work has changed little. I am an online dominatrix and fetish content producer. I have worked from home, been my own boss, run my own business, paid my taxes, and produced my own fetish content for so long, this shelter-in-place routine has me busier than ever because of reasons one wouldn't suspect. But nearby, sister businesses that hosted in-person providers, community BDSM events, and community classes like mine have closed down. Like so many venues, they are struggling to pay their rent.
Talking to some of my colleagues, I realized the kind of struggles that they are going through. Travel plans, including tours, have been canceled. They cannot see clients, they cannot rent out their space for workshops. And some of them have come to me asking for help.
When I was teaching workshops in person, the questions were always similar to the ones I receive now. Do you really make all of your money online? How do you manage so many platforms and so many profiles? How do you keep contact with your clients? Now, the questions have intensified because their own situations have intensified. Those who have worked online before are trying to manage, albeit under duress, because all of a sudden, online work is the only work they have.
What quarantines and lockdowns have shown us is that varied sources of income is necessary. By "us", I mean sex workers. This umbrella term is truly vast. I am an online sex worker with a legal registered business. Many are in-person sex workers, or a mixture of the two.
I had this demand for teaching women how to work online when I started teaching workshops in person. When I saw 2 of my favourite BDSM spaces struggling, I couldn't stand by and do nothing. So, I decided to do two things and hopefully hit both with a single stone. I decided to make these months in quarantine a time of education and support.
One of those ways is through the writing and online publication of a best practices guide for a particular platform called Sext Panther. It monetizes texting and online content like photos, videos and phone calls. I had reached #1 on the site several times, and started writing down what was working for me. 1 page turned into 10, and then I decided to self publish.
Another way to give support was to teach classes. My new class will be a webinar, so I'm making my experience work for me. An online class to teach about how to work online. There are so many skills involved in this work. Content production, marketing, the art of conversation, modeling, acting, human psychology, sexuality. The list goes on. But we all have to start somewhere, and as the old adage goes, I wish that someone had shown me all of this information when I started.
All of the proceeds from "The Sextpanther Best Practices" document that I wrote are going to SubRosa. All of the proceeds from my "So You Want To Make Money Online Through SW - level 1" online class are going to Nightshade Sanctuary. So, not only can people find new ways of making money online, these spaces will receive the funds.
How To Be An Online Content Producer AKA Online Dominatrix AKA Boss
How did I come to teaching a workshop called, Monetizing Your Appeal Online: Content, Business Strategies for Models, Dommes? How does one become an online domme, or fetish content producer, or their own boss? Why do I want to share this valuable information?
I am an actively working Asian Online Dominatrix. So, I don't just teach it, I live it, I work it. This story begins at DomCon. Yes, there is a convention for everything. I saw that most of the women who attended were in-person dommes. And when they found out about my work and my specializations, they were surprised to find out that I could make a very good living doing only online domination and online content production. They had lots of questions and preconceived notions about what it takes to do this work.
“I really like the in-person connection, I just don’t think you can have that in online domination.”
"What kind of services do people pay for?"
“How do you dominate anyone without being in front of them?”
“How do people find you? How do you find clients?”
I realized that many professional dominatrices were intimidated and perhaps embarrassed that they did not know how to work online. I also realized that people from all sorts of backgrounds wanted to learn how to do the work that I do.
I also realized how invested I am in helping others through these classes because this work has given me so much. The life that I am able to live is made possible by this work. The life I left, in which I was terribly abused, was made possible by this work. The woman I am, the confidence that I hold, the relationships I have developed with other bad-ass sex workers… all of this is made possible by this work. So, teaching how to do this work finally made sense. It was time to pay it forward.
Here lie the true reasons behind sharing all of this knowledge and information... not just in being bossy to other people. Putting the intelligent work into my business has given me a sense of self, growth, autonomy, creativity, confidence and success. I thought, how great would it be if others could find the same freedoms, creativity and money & fun?
What makes my online business successful? It’s a mixture of making brutally honest self-evaluations; prioritizing content strategies; gathering tools, assessing costs, honing skills. Last but not least, really loving the work that I do, the freedom it provides, the autonomy and creativity I have in my own life. I am my own boss. And the boss of many.
From start to finish, the workshop is about 3.5 hours of a beginner’s class followed by an advanced class. I teach the basics of sex work, the start-up costs & necessities, self-evaluation, online content, strategies and marketing and what actions to take. Then, I tailor the advanced class to the participants after getting a feel for the levels at which they are already working.
Figuring out how to get all of this in a presentation that isn’t a complete snoozefest was a challenge. I didn’t want to just stand there and lecture. Fortunately, I am able to pepper in lots of stories and real-life anecdotes that seem to get everyone engaged and laughing.
One of my students & friend, Stella Sol, wrote this, “I really enjoyed your class in SF & have been busy ever since b/c I’ve been taking your advice. I am already seeing a dramatic increase in my traffic, income & understand of online marketing.”
Another wrote this. "When teaching, Mz. Kim brings an incredible level of presence, professionalism, and information to her classes. Along with being organized, she has a diverse knowledge base that is eternally fascinating to learn from. As a teacher, Mz. Kim does an excellent job of tying in personal anecdotes and humor that enrich your learning experience. As a coach, Mz. Kim is thoughtful and inventive, and you can feel that she truly wants to help you achieve your goals. I am grateful for the wisdom Mz. Kim has shared with me."
These reviews bring such an immense feeling of satisfaction.
There was something that stood out of the workshops I have taught. Community. Sex work can be isolating. That’s part of the draw, actually. So, that's the double-edged sword. We can work alone, and be left alone. But then, we are alone.
The sense of community and meeting others in this industry has been an essential part of my own growth and I think a welcomed relief to many of my students. No person is an island. There are things that others can teach us so that we do not have to re-invent the wheel. By providing these workshops, I have given an opportunity for people to get together and meet others. They come to learn the contents of my class, but they leave with a larger sense of community.
Another of the limitations of this work is stigma. It can weigh down on us in ways we don’t realize. From not being able to use easy payment processors to not being able to post ads on Facebook; from having photographs and content constantly taken down on Instagram or Tumblr to having negative reactions from significant others and their family members, stigma in this line of work is real. Talking to others dealing with the same issues, and sharing solutions… this is something valuable that a real-time class can provide.
I wish that I had this kind of class when I was starting out in online sex work. And sometimes, it’s been hard to show SWs that this class can be useful to them. This kind of education isn’t as glamorous as a hard-skills class. A choking class like one I took recently from Domina Snow, a personal friend and colleague, would be considered a hard-skills class. I haven’t used this choking skillset nearly as much as the “Deep Work” segment of my own class. As Snow said, “We always teach the most important things that our younger selves needed to know, but it never seems to be received with the same value.”
Still, I hope that more people and SWs will let me teach them. Once they step into my workshop, they will see just how valuable this information is. How important it is to meet others in the same community. And I hope that I will get to hear how this work has changed their lives as they have changed mine.
Dirty Feet for Dirty Minds and Other Stuff
I benefited very much from the absolute knowledge that no one would read my stuff. I benefited from low expectations. I wrote honestly and quickly, because I didn't have the luxury of doing anything else. Because I was certain no one would read it, I was really writing as honestly as I could for a perceived audience of 8 people, all of whom were fry cooks. -- Anthony Bourdain pod cast with Andy Greenwald.
This photo is called :::Dirty feet for dirty minds:::
I have decided to change my blog, which has been my dedication to visual stories. I used to write. I used to care about it and loved it. I used to be decent at it. And it was a lot like that, what Bourdain said. I wrote for a tiny perceived audience. It was honest, poetic, sexy as hell and what I created was transcendent. That is, it transcended me into a different plane of thinking and feeling. I am more honest, more poetic, and sexier now than I have ever been.
So, I will be writing again. Lucky you.